Thinking About how Rebound Boo a.k.a. Jobie was Lightweight feminist

I have something to say but don't have the words to say it. 

So far, in my mind Jobie, my "lover" who came right after my 5 year relationship was in many ways was a feminist.  

He put me at the center without losing himself.  He provided space for sexual desire that had nothing to do with duty or obligation.  My relationship with him had a very profound effect on me because in the area of sex he showed me a lot of what I was missing.  Being with him gave sex and desire much more significance in my life.  I'm talkin Ciara-how-and-where-do-you-want-it-I-want-it-from-you-but-I'll-only-go-for-it-if-you-want-me-to-your-wish-is-my-will-and-please-believe-I'll-turn-you-out-without-warning. 

The ex was much more interested in what he was getting out of sex from me as his girlfriend.  He believed (despite his bible thumping) that as his girlfriend I was obligated to please him sexually, and that if I did not concede he had the right to seek sexual pleasure from others.   Sex as an obligation is no fun--honestly, it's awful and leads to resentment.  "The enemy of desire is duty." (Click here to read up on the relationship between duty and desire. )

Back to Jobie. 

Aside from the sex and desire piece, Jobie always spoke in the most frank manner about the most sensitive subjects, especially those subjects and ways of expressing that men tend to stay away from.  He always expected me to do the same. AND HE LISTENED. 

And who knew that at the age of 22 that a 19 year old could teach me about respect and treating people like humans?  Who knew there was a man that did not spit misogynist politics?  Dude checked me on criticizing and calling other women bitches (and other names).  He even confessed to never talking about his sexual exploits with the guys.  Wow.  Jobie floored me over and over (literally and figuratively).  To meet a black male who demonstrated the level of sensitivity and love he did toward women in a non-patriarchal way was inspiring and hopeful to say the least. 

I think it was at this point that I began to recognize misogyny and what loving women really looked like.  Taking her out to eat, opening doors, protecting her from imaginary predators aint shit if you cant invest, engage, and challenge her (and vice versa).

Anyhow, I imagine that for someone so young in his masculinity that this may have been hard to accept and embrace.  We know longer have a sexual relationship but I still wonder if he's the same.  Based on the empirical I'd say probably not.  Despite that he played a major role in my feminist consciousness.  I thank him every time I talk to him, although I'm not sure if he knows what I'm talking about. 

Can you be feminist without knowing it?